How to put a smile on your face: The Game
by Nefertem
Summary: The Joker's quest to regain his humanity, Jigsaw style.


The second part of the two-shot "How to put a smile on your face". I actually had written this a long time ago, but my computer crashed and I lost everything...I even had to buy a new computer... .-_-'' Life is hard and unfair, I know. As a result I'm not fully satisfied with this version, but I can't do anything against the fact that it is not exactly the same. T_T

Oh...and its not beta-ed...I didn't want to make my friends read a splatter against their own will. And it's kind of hard to find a beta for an M rated SAW story.

In my eyes the Joker is completely mad and I like to believe that this showing in everything he does, even in his pronunciation.

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own it...at least not the things you recognize.

**How to put a smile on your face:_ The Game_**

The Joker looked at the police, waved at them, pulled a face and began skipping down the street in front of the bank he had just robbed. After a few steps he began to jump higher with every skip, giggling like the madman he was.

The cops wouldn't try anything, as long as one of his henchman - the one he had decided to call Gonko, or Gonks for short - held that _"cute little __**g**__irl"_ captive._ "Dumb cops!"._

He stumbled and nearly fell, but in the last second, he halted his momentum and shifted to a stance, in which it would be less likely to land head first on the ground. Letting out a loud cackle, he waved at the raised guns and continued his way down the street, until he reached the corner of the dead end in which the back door of the bank was located. His feet slipped from the edge of he sidewalk and this time he really landed on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a police man jump at his sudden fall. In the next moment he was rolling around the street, laughing hysterically. Bank robbery had always been **the** way to kill time.

Scrambling to his feet, he dusted his clothes off and turned around the corner, skipping. After a few meters he reached the back door. Laughing loudly, he thought about exploding the building, or even better: The whole street - he had enough explosives anyway. And he liked blow up things. _"Whoohoo!"_

As he came to halt in front of the door, reaching for the door handle and proceeding to open it, he saw a movement out of the corners of his eyes, which caused him to looked up. Blinking against the sun, he realized that falling from the fifth floor of the building, was a multicolored box with a handle._ "Oh! Colors!"_ He just had time to grin at the fact that he was going to be struck to death by a "Jack-in-the-box", before it hit him in the temple and everything went black.

If he had been awake for a few more seconds, he would have seen the person, masked like a pig, wearing a brown wig that came out of the back door of the bank and dragged him over the wall of the dead end, to vanish into the back streets of Gotham.

The sensation that woke him from the darkness again, was the feeling of being bound. Some more or less sane part of his brain registered that he must have been kidnapped and asked itself, why someone would want to kidnap the JOKER. But like always the bigger and insane (more insane) part of his mind didn't pay any attention to it. At an instant he was pushing and ripping at his bounds with all his might. He couldn't properly move his head, his hands and arms, his legs and not even his fingers. A subconscious fear of being bound trickled into his mind and made him panic for a few seconds, former memories of being bound, flashing by his inner eye. _"Straightjacket... ! Let me out, let me outletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutl etmeout! LET. ME. GO!"_

With one hard, last shove he threw himself against his bounds and then calmed down to look at his surroundings, as the fear in his mind slowly turned into excitement. This was a entirely new situation to him.

His current location seemed to be a – probably adorned – warehouse and he was sitting/ lying on something that looked suspiciously like a dentist's chair. His legs were fixed in what seemed to be jaw vises, he assumed that it was the same with his head. Over each of his hands hovered a metal plate with three spikes and the MOST CURIOUS THING: under each of his thumbs, middle fingers and pinky were three big read buttons. Over his head hung a over sized guillotine. His left thumb twitched. _" OOOH, BIG RED BUTTON! __**Pre**__ss the button, __**pre**__ss the big, shiny and red button! What will happen? I wonder what __**will**__ happen? Uuuuhhuu!" _Just as he was about to give in to his pathological need to push the red button he heard a voice:

"Hello Joker, I want to play a game."

The Joker's eyes snapped up and he he saw a TV standing right in his sight. On the screen was a white faced puppet, with black hair and red swirls on it's cheeks._ "And they say that__** I**__'m creepy!"_ The Joker had to giggle, but stopped immediately as the puppet continued to speak.

"I want to know, if you have what it takes to stay alive. Your head and your legs are fixed in jaw vises, and hanging over your hands are metal spikes, every device is connected to a button under your fingers, one button will release you, but if you press the wrong button, the corresponding device will be activated. After 90 seconds the guillotine will fall down and kill you. Make your choice." The voice fell silent and the puppet on the screen was replaced by a 90-seconds-count-down.

**90...89...88...**

In the Joker's twisted mind all this sounded very funny, so he wasted the first 30 seconds, with having a hysterical fit. He laughed so hard that he even had trouble breathing, tears of laughter running down his face. Someone wanted to _play_ with **him**. After he thirty seconds he calmed down a little and looked at the timer, which now read:

**59...58...57...**

Still giggling he decided to press the button under the thumb of his right hand.

Wrong choice.

The jaw vise in which his left leg was fixed began to move. At first he only felt a dull pressure on his left knee joint, but as the jaw vise continued to move, slowly, until his kneecap gave away under the pressure and broke with a sickening crack. The grin he was still grinning, drained from his face. He felt nausea rising in his throat, as the jaw vise, still wouldn't stop. Slowly it was pressing his knee joint together, crushing the remains of his kneecap to fragments, breaking his bones, making blood and bone fragments splatter everywhere. Tears of pain were streaming down his face at this point, smudging his make-up, leaving brown-red trails on his cheeks, where they mixed with blood. A high pinched, anguished scream rose in his throat, even sounding inhuman to his own ears, being thrown back at him by the ware house walls a hundredfold. Pain tainted his vision a bloody red, pain blazing through his whole body, stronger than everything that Crane or Batsy had ever done to him. The nausea grew worse. A bone fragment embedded itself in his left cheek and he didn't even feel it. The nausea grew unbearable and he had to turn his head a far to the right as possible to bring up all the food that was left in his stomach. Still, the pain sharpened even further, as the jaw vice was now grinding bone fragments against bone fragments. The Joker's vision went fuzzy at the edges, darkness threaten to take over him again. His scream had died in his shore throat some time ago, as he couldn't muster up the strength to scream anymore.

Then the jaw vise stopped.

Like a broken rag doll the Joker lay on his dentist's chair, fighting nausea and the darkness that was threatening to take over his mind. The pain wouldn't subside and he couldn't raise the strength to move, as the seconds continued to tick by.

**29...28...27...**

He lay motionless, until the small part of his brain that always went ignored decided to give it's opinion in an really annoying voice, at the back of his mind. _"What happens if you stay still? You will never again be able to play with Batsy...NOOO! BORING!" _His left hand twitched slightly and he pressed down his middle finger. "Nottheheadnotthehead." he repeated in a mumbling voice the only equivalent to his normal voice he could produce. Something gave a loud "click" and the the metal spikes over his left hand fell down. Strangely he felt relieved.

Then a sharp pain exploded in his hand, as the spikes pierced his glove and his skin, one of the spikes scraping along the bones in his hands. _" Batsy, rescue me! HAHAHA! ... Your such a kill-joy! "_ The Joker bit back a yelp, salty tears and make up burning in the wound on his cheek. This game really was _interesting_! Painfully so.

**14...13...12...**

Momentarily unable to use his left hand, he pressed down the middle button under his right hand. But the expected pain stayed out and after a second his bounds snapped open. Starring unbelieving at his open bounds he wasted the first few seconds of his freedom to be surprised,...**10...9...8... **and the next moment to gather up the strength he needed to gain the control over his body back. With a jerk he rolled off the dentist's chair and fell to the ground with a sickening soft sound.

**4...3...2...1. ** The guillotine fell down and split the dentist's chair.

Beside the chair, the Joker lay in a puddle of his own blood, eyes unseeing and fixed at the ceiling. Slowly he curled up like a scared child and began to cry out all of his pain, sobs shaking his whole body, until his sobs turned into hysteric laughter. Twitching and not really in control of his own body he moved like a rag doll into a kneeling position, his left leg strung-out behind him. His forehead touching the ground, hands entangled in his hair. The laughter shaking his his body worse than the sobs had a few moments ago, his breathing irregular, he banged his left fist into the ground, the other pulling at his hair.

"Congratulations, Joker. You lived through the first third of the Game to gain back your humanity. You should now proceed to the second chamber. A nail-bomb will destroy this room in five minutes. Choose one of three doors. " the TV-voice told him.

The Joker pulled even harder at his hair, trying to ignore the cruel TV-voice. The instinct to hide away from the voice and to curl up in a dark place battled in his mind with a pathological fascination for this game. It had been YEARS that someone had made him cry like that, even if it was _painful_. He had to admire the puppet for it. A few strands of his hair gave away and he immediately lost his balance, putting pressure on his abused knee. With a yelp he jumped up into something that remotely resembled a standing position. He stumbled a few steps trying to stand firm, looking like a bizarre dancer. Then he decided to go for the door on his right. Crossing the few meters to the door in a 'not so straight' line, he left a red trail behind him, stumbling and falling a few times over things that lay scattered over the warehouse floor.

Reaching the door he rested his body against the rusty iron, breathing harshly. After a few seconds he pushed the door handle down and forced the heavy door open with a jerk. The room behind the door was completely empty, save a dictaphone which lay on the ground in the middle of the room. Feeling cheated, the Joker made a irritated sound in the back of his throat and limped into the room. The door behind his back closed with a quiet 'click'.

The Joker picked the dictaphone up and pressed the play button.

"Welcome to the second camber. This room is filling with a deadly neurotoxin, the doors are locked. Your muscles will convulse, you will loose control over your body and eventually you will die of multiple organ failure. The dog is the key to get out. Maybe you have what it takes to stay alive." spoke the Puppet's voice.

"_Neurotoxin... Scarecrow!_" The Joker began to chuckle. Quiet at first, his laugh grew louder until his ears began to ring and his cheeks arched. His laugh came to a sudden halt, when he choked on some blood and saliva that had gathered in the back of his throat. Fighting to breath he only heard the low growl behind him after a few seconds. Looking over his shoulder the Joker saw a huge and angry Rottweiler standing in font of a dog flap, which he hadn't seen before. He felt momentarily annoyed with the dog, but it's presence slipped form his mind a few seconds later. Running a hand through his greasy hair, he smacked his lips and began to look around. "_Now...how to get out-__**t**__... ._" Absentmindedly he slid the dictating machine into a pocket.

Then he whipped around and rammed his injured arm into the open jaws of the Rottweiler, which had made a jump for his throat. "Did you think you could bite…ME?!" the Joker growled and tried to get his arm out of the dog's fangs.

He was so absorbed in his actions that didn't realize his injured leg had failed him until he hit the ground. The dog used the opportunity to let go of his arm momentarily and to sink his teeth even deeper into the raw flesh of said left arm. Trying to break free the Joker attempted to ram his good knee against it's ribcage but he failed miserably, grazing only it's left side. The Joker cried out in frustration. Then he took a few seconds to curse his bad luck.

In the next few minutes he continued to struggle with the beast, until he resorted to beating his right fist against the part of it's neck were the scull was connected to the spine. Breathing became harder as the minutes passed by – his whole body began to tremble.

After 5 minutes, as he took another breath his mind wandered off for a moment and his body twitched violently "_...__3/4 cups vegetable oil, 4 large eggs, 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, 3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened, 2/3 cups granulated sugar, 3 large eggs... ._". His vision was blurry, his fingers were weakly pulling at the dog's fur, until his sleeve got caught in the dog collar.

Then the Rottweiler teared extra hard at his arm, making the Joker snap out of his daze. Yanking his sleeve free he saw he saw something silver fall out from under the collar. It landed around a meter to his right. Twisting his neck the Joker reached for it, with twitching fingers. Only as he forced it into the dog's spine he realized that the thing was a key.

The dog went limp and he rolled the cadaver off his chest, crawling in the general direction of the second door, the key clutched in his fist. His vision was hazy and his breathing harsh and he couldn't help but giggle. As he reached the door he fumbled with the bloody key for a few seconds before he managed to force his fingers to stop trembling for a few seconds, so that he was able to shove the key into the keyhole.

He barely managed to crawl out of the room and to kick the door shut, before he lost his consciousness.

When the Joker woke again his head felt like someone was hitting him with a baseball bat. He HATED headaches. They made thoughts slow down, preventing him from having _interesting_ ideas, nearly making him think _normally_. In short: It irritated him. And the Joker didn't like it one bit, especially if his whole body was hurting like hell.

He was positively pissed.

With a growl he forced his abused body up and looked around. He had been lying in some dark corridor. Scratching the raw flesh of his left arm he limped down the corridor, using the wall on his right side as support. After a few steps his world began to spin and turn, causing him to zig-zag from one wall to the other. When the Joker reached the middle of the corridor, he grew irritated with the spinning. With a loud growl he rammed his left hand against a wall. The pain that exploded in his hand was momentarily stronger than the pain in his head and leg, enabling him to focus. He ignored the tears that were running down his face. His world stopped spinning like mad. Pleased with his small achievement he began to hum to himself, chuckling every now and then. Then he decided that he could try to skip down the rest of the way. "_Screw the puppet! Uhuh-__**heh**__!_"

The corridor opened into another empty room. Once again a dictaphone lay in the middle of the room, the only difference was that there was only one door, across the room and a small window. Looking at the window the Joker decided that some 3 meters were to high to try and probably get stuck in the frame. He smacked his lips and went to pick the dictaphone up. With a 'click' the small machine came to life.

"Hello, Joker. You didn't need to kill the dog. As it seems you lived through the second chamber, so the game may proceed. In the last room there are two other criminals playing their own game. They need to sacrifice one of their own limbs to free the other. As it is now neither of them has what it takes to stay alive. But there are always second chances. You will have to make a choice. You can free these man and gain back your humanity or you could die with them. When one of them dies, a nail bomb will destroy the room and the door will not open. Choose wisely."

Growling like an angry dog the Joker hurled the dictating machine through the window. Then he moved to the door. As he was about to push the door handle down, he stopped, thought differently and moved to where the fragments of the windowpane had fallen down. He picked a shard, around the size of his palm up and stuffed his right glove over one end. Putting it into a pocket he turned back to the door and entered the last room.

In the middle of the room lay a nail bomb that was connected to the devices the two criminals were fixed in. The man on the Joker's right was strapped to a metal chair. His right arm and his legs were fixed in metal cuffs, leaving his left arm free. The Joker assumed that the man was supposed to shove his right hand into a bear trap, that was attached to the left armrest.

On his left the other man was standing on a small podium, around his neck was a steel wire loop. His left arm was taped to his side and before him hung another steel wire loop. The Joker assumed this man was to sacrifice his arm, too.

The man were insulting each other.

Realizing that they won't notice him by themselves, the Joker laughed loudly at their stupidity. The right man looked at him and began to insult him, too. "You bastard! What's so funny?! Free me or... ."The Joker decided to ignore him, his voice turned into background noise. Then he looked at the man on his left. Said man was swaying dangerously on his podium, his face even paler than before, having realized, WHO was standing before him. He couldn't help but giggle.

Thinking for a moment, he decided to free the dumb one first. Searching his pockets he pulled the dictaphone out and shoved it into the bear trap, releasing the man. "_Now-w..._ ." Turning around he tore, what was left of his left shirtsleeve off and wound it around his left wrist. Then he put his left arm in the steel wire loop and pushed it down. The wire cut into his abused flesh, releasing this man, too.

"Congratulations, Joker." said the puppet's voice from nowhere. "You won the game and gained your humanity back. Keep in mind what you have learned."

The Joker had to fight a hysterical fit. Instead he kept quiet, an unnaturally wide smile showing on his face. With a 'click' a door sprang open granting view of a dirty warehouse backstreet. The two man ran out and stopped a few meters from the door, to celebrate their freedom.

Pulling the shard out of his pocket, he made a hushing sound and crept up behind the two other criminals.

With a quick movement he cut the throat of one and kicked the other one to the ground, stabbing him in the eye.

"_Keep it, pup-__**pet**__. I do-n't need my humanity._"


End file.
